Friday, May 28, 2010

Am I addicted?

Here I am, less than twenty-four hours after creating my blog and making the first post. Why have I returned to it so quickly?

Do I have something more - something substantial - to say? I don't think so.


Is it curiosity that has brought me here? I don't think so. After all, nothing can be happening here to make me feel curious. My blog is not publicised yet and there is none following it yet. The friend who inspired me to take up blogging is not, as far as I know, particularly passionate about blogging now and is unlikely to be reading my blog or following it. So I have no reason to expect some comments of one sort or the other from anyone to read, re-read, and ponder over.


Is it the attachment - an attachment akin to that of a mother to her child - to what I have written that brings me back so that I can look fondly at my first post and smile a smug, contented smile? I don't think so. Because what I have written there is nothing extraordinary in any way. Moreover, I did write some pretty spiffy stuff - logically brilliant, passionately eloquent, and nonchalantly controversial but scrupulously fair - when I was part of an online community way back in time and, so, this is not all that new an experience to me. By my own standards, I have no reason to preen or gloat over my first post here to give it a fond glance now.


Is it possibly some kind of an addiction that brings me back here so soon? Possibly. An addiction founded in the need to say something to someone, to be heard by someone - even by some imaginary persons out there in the digital skies. (Remember that almost none knows about my blog yet.)

But, is it possible to be addicted to something so quickly? Not impossible, I guess. Particularly if one realises that the conditions right for an addiction may have been present in a person long before he gets to know about the addiction itself. As in my case. I am quite used to saying things and being heard. Not that I ever thought there had been a need to say or be heard. But it must have been present there; a presence strong enough to keep me saying things; heard I have been invariably (though I don't think most of those who heard me have either understood my point of view or accepted it despite some compelling logic). But, not having said much of late, I must have reached a point where something like a blog could shape into an addiction quite quickly.

An addiction to writing in a blog may not be a big problem.

But, addictions to more pernicious things can take root in quite the same way. That is a disturbing thought.

I just hope I do not have in me the conditions necessary or suitable for a more pernicious addiction to take root in me. If I have some, I hope to eliminate them all consciously so that I am free from the potential problem of an addiction to things pernicious.

Having said so much, I wonder how I could write so much about nothing!!! Am I (getting) addicted to the sound of my own words?!!!


tutuluc said...

Love what you said about addiction. It is true that it lives as a potential inside us even before it begins. And I wouldn't mind if you get addicted to sharing yourself here...


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